1) You have concluded that an Ace will fall on the flop 95% of the time when you hold pocket Kings. We both know that this is mathematically impossible, but Poker obviously has no respect for odds or probability.
2) You can read a Texas Hold em hand history like you can read a book. In fact, you have actually created your own imaginary poker table in your head that displays the action at the table as you read through each hand history.
3) It takes at least 5 minutes to find a specific program because your start menu has become over crowded with poker clients. Furthermore, your desktop has become a mesh of poker icons with the odd occasional important document and recycle bin.
4) Playing at one cash table at a time makes you want to cry. The thought of playing at just the one table instead of your usual 4 or more makes you die a little inside.
5) You can list the hand rankings in Poker quicker than you can count to ten. You also enjoy laughing smugly when a new player forgets that a flush beats a straight, not the other way around.
6) You feel naked and vulnerable playing without PokerTracker or PokerOffice by your side. It’s like that feeling you get when you go without wearing a watch after having one for years. It’s just not the same.
7) You know what “35/26/3 over 80 w a 3b of 19%” means.
You are secretly jealous that you didn’t come up with a clever screen-name like “FloppyMcSet” like the other guy at the table. You have spent hours thinking of something equally as witty and hilarious, but you just ended up with something offensive yet again.
9) Minimum raises make you want to hurt someone. There is also a perfectly fist-shaped groove in the wall next to your computer due to these enjoyable moments in Poker.
10) You sometimes forget that clubs and diamonds were originally black and red, as opposed to the green and blue that you have now become accustomed to.
11) You haven’t opened up an online Poker table in the last month that didn’t have at least one player at the table that you had written player notes on. You also tend to find that your earlier notes on players usually read like a Mike Ditka rant after losing a football game.
12) You agreed with all of the above points, we both know you did. Don’t worry though, I won’t tell anyone.
I should feel worse though, I wrote the fucking article.