February 22, 2012

Corrupt Senators Kyl and Reid at it Again!

Mu$on here once again being forced to step away from beating up on fish and banging books in order to take a look at what some corrupt senator is doing to protect others from the likes of you and me. Today’s topic is once again corrupt Republican senator Jon Kyl (Arizona) and his corrupt Democrat-counterpart Harry Reid (Nevada) who have joined hands in a common cause. That cause of course being to protect society from no good criminals such as myself. The topic is a strong-worded letter these assholes corrupt sent to the Attorney General of the United States

So, what exactly does the letter state?

Reid implored with Mr General (what’s his real name?) to initiate stringent action against entities offering illegal gambling in the country. This action includes poker sites and sports betting sites. The dickhead corrupt senator went on to blame the AG for not prosecuting the 1700 websites (WHO OPERATE IN OTHER COUNTRIES LEGALLY!) that continue to offer online gambling illegally to US citizens. He wants to know what the fvck the Department of Justice plans to do about it too. Personally Mu$on thinks they should tell him to F off but okay, moving on with the story.

The big irony

Senator Reid represents Nevada, one of the two American states that has passed a legislation allowing online gaming in their jurisdictions. So, essentially he is from a pro-gambling state. What makes his holier than thou attitude on internet gambling more ironic is the fact that two physical casinos, Harrah’s International and MGM Resorts, have provided much lobbying moolah to the Democrat senator. It wouldn’t be wrong to think that by imposing his proposed restrictions on internet gambling, the competition to physical casinos is effectively being cut off. Thanks though for protecting children in the process Mr Reid.

A ‘true’ Conservative speaks

Corrupt republican senator John Kyl has declared himself as a hater of all things that have to do with online gambling. Outlawing it seems to be the 69-year old’s big mission- to this end, he has made his feelings about internet gambling clearly known in his official website. Some of the things he has to say in criticism of gambling are over-the-top, and in the present world, where the risks and dangers have become a part and parcel of every-day life, a ‘cause’ that does not make complete sense.

Take for instance, Kyl’s ranting that internet gambling can be addictive, with players indulging in it all day long. Or look at his fear that children can also be exposed to internet gambling by not providing enough verification with regard to age. He also says that frivolous use of credit cards to bet online can lead to addictions, bankruptcy and suicide. While this is a bit much, what is more puzzling is the Senator’s view that internet gambling is different than other kinds of gambling- so does this mean that it is okay to spend money foolishly in a brick-and-mortar casino?

Kyl’s changing view on online poker

Kyl seems more eager to separate poker from other online betting games as he feels that it is less of a luck-based sport, rather a game that requires skill. What inspired this change of heart is still not apparent, though photos of his many mistresses is Mu$on leading guess. If not, I suppose the lord might have appeared from a cloud and said, dude Texas Holdem is the game in heaven, knock it off or you’ll be sentenced to eternal doom switch when you arrive. Anyways who the hell knows with these quacks, but different day same line. Gambling is bad, me, you, and 5.99 billion people around the globe are going to burn in hell listening to Kyl say “told you so” for all of eternity.

Mu$on has drafted a letter to Mr Kyl in response.

Dear Senator John Kyl

Thank you for your many years protecting the interest of children, suicide fiends and degenerate gamblers. If it wasn’t for people like yourself, lottery would probably be sold at every convenient store worldwide, and billion dollar casinos would also exist. We’d also have animal cruelty in the form of dog racing and such. I however a position you might consider. For me I believe online gambling is the methadone equivalent for gambling addicts. It’s a little less harmless, people don’t see it, there are no free drinks and casino girls can’t work online etc.. It’s safer, and I think it’s time we considered it. I hope you will agree.

Thanks,
Mu$on

Obama Poker – The new Omaha

Fresh off his stunning victory for the US Presidency, Barack Obama has taken the same principles of his tax plan and introduced…

OBAMA Hi – Lo

The rules are as follows:

Each player at the table is dealt four hole cards that are not visible to the other players. There is a button, a small blind, and a big blind. Before there’s any action however, the small blind is entitled to not only see the big blinds cards but take a few of his chips. We have to make sure that the BIG BLIND doesn’t get too big, right? At the same time, we have to maintain parity so that the smaller blind has access to the same information as the big blind.

If at any point in the action a player decides to raise, any player that takes exception to that can file a grievance with the OBAMA Hi – Lo Players Union. At that time, a Union Representative will come to the table and attempt to negotiate with the raiser.

Since it’s clearly a bullying tactic and unfair to the other players, he must successfully argue his point (and grease the Union Officials pockets with a green chip) in order for his raise to stand. Otherwise, he can only smooth call. In a worst case scenario the Union can force him to fold his hand and sit out for a round as punishment for trying to “disrupt” a peaceful poker game.

At the showdown, any player who has a losing hand will be entitled to 20% of the winning player(s) pot. Why? Because it’s not fair for a winning player who clearly has the means to support the other players to take all of the money.

Of course, the player with the largest stack at the table will also have to ship at least 30% of their stack in even amounts to the less fortunate players at the table. After all, it’s not their fault that they didn’t have access to the best poker training! Perhaps the big stack comes from a privileged neighborhood and was able to afford coaching from a pro player. The smaller stacks are clearly at a disadvantage because of their broken family and lack of a father figure growing up.

Let’s not forget the dealer! This poor person didn’t have the bankroll to start with, so they were forced to become a lowly card dealer. To help these poor souls, all of their tips will be tax exempt and each player will have to send 5% of their total winnings for the night to the dealer pool, which will be shared by all dealers on duty that day. The dealers that deal fewer hands per hour will still get paid the same because to distribute the funds any other way would be discriminatory.

While the details of this new game are still being hammered out behind the scenes, it’s expected to easily pass the Senate and the House and become the new De facto poker game in 2009.

Word is that Ultimate Bet and Absolute Poker are already highly interested in hosting this poker game.

If you don’t take too kindly to getting robbed at the poker tables, we suggest you try playing here.

See you at the tables!

Vote today

Seriously, if you haven’t yet, get out and vote today.

This is perhaps the most important election of our lifetime so don’t miss your opportunity cast your vote and set our country on the right path.

And while you’re watching the results tonight, play a few hands of poker :)

Obama the favorite to win US election

If you tire of hearing the political BS from both sides in the race to become the next US President then do what we do, look to the bookies and who they’re laying odds on to win. If you think about it, these book makers have a considerable amount of skin in the game. They’re taking CASH bets on who the next President will be and if they’re wrong will lose their ass in the process.

To that end, the guys over at BetUS.com have laid –350 odds that Barack Obama will be the next President of the United States. That’s a pretty serious edge that they’ve giving him and reflects the amount of confidence in their research. Of course he’s leading in most polls and appears to be leading even in the so-called “swing states”.

After watching the debates last night and seeing John McCain hobble around barely able to lift the microphone to his mouth to talk, we think BetUS.com may be on to something here. Unless McCain makes strides to attack Obama and his relationships with domestic terrorists like William Ayers, there likely won’t be too many folks making bets on (what appears to now be) an upset victory by McCain. Of course, like other things we all bet on (sports, poker, slots) there’s always a chance to take a bad beat. Depending on your political leanings that may be a good thing or a bad thing. Either way, come November we’ll all know for sure.