Obama Poker - The new Omaha
November 6, 2008 by TG
Fresh off his stunning victory for the US Presidency, Barack Obama has taken the same principles of his tax plan and introduced…
The rules are as follows:
Each player at the table is dealt four hole cards that are not visible to the other players. There is a button, a small blind, and a big blind. Before there’s any action however, the small blind is entitled to not only see the big blinds cards but take a few of his chips. We have to make sure that the BIG BLIND doesn’t get too big, right? At the same time, we have to maintain parity so that the smaller blind has access to the same information as the big blind.
If at any point in the action a player decides to raise, any player that takes exception to that can file a grievance with the OBAMA Hi - Lo Players Union. At that time, a Union Representative will come to the table and attempt to negotiate with the raiser.
Since it’s clearly a bullying tactic and unfair to the other players, he must successfully argue his point (and grease the Union Officials pockets with a green chip) in order for his raise to stand. Otherwise, he can only smooth call. In a worst case scenario the Union can force him to fold his hand and sit out for a round as punishment for trying to “disrupt” a peaceful poker game.
At the showdown, any player who has a losing hand will be entitled to 20% of the winning player(s) pot. Why? Because it’s not fair for a winning player who clearly has the means to support the other players to take all of the money.
Of course, the player with the largest stack at the table will also have to ship at least 30% of their stack in even amounts to the less fortunate players at the table. After all, it’s not their fault that they didn’t have access to the best poker training! Perhaps the big stack comes from a privileged neighborhood and was able to afford coaching from a pro player. The smaller stacks are clearly at a disadvantage because of their broken family and lack of a father figure growing up.
Let’s not forget the dealer! This poor person didn’t have the bankroll to start with, so they were forced to become a lowly card dealer. To help these poor souls, all of their tips will be tax exempt and each player will have to send 5% of their total winnings for the night to the dealer pool, which will be shared by all dealers on duty that day. The dealers that deal fewer hands per hour will still get paid the same because to distribute the funds any other way would be discriminatory.
While the details of this new game are still being hammered out behind the scenes, it’s expected to easily pass the Senate and the House and become the new De facto poker game in 2009.
Word is that Ultimate Bet and Absolute Poker are already highly interested in hosting this poker game.
If you don’t take too kindly to getting robbed at the poker tables, we suggest you try playing here.
See you at the tables!
This is genius and hilarious. Great article.
I would play this. I assume the house is buying everyone as well right?
Haha, great article. I loved it :)
[...] commentary on the new President of the US (is it THAT big of a deal?). We actually hear the new Obama Poker game is going to turn the poker world on its collective ear (not to mention empty a few [...]
ditto to this being a great article. i ran across it while looking up information on Obama playing poker. He’s been challenged by a poker training site to a game to prove it’s all about skill, not just luck. Turns out, the Pres has got game.