To help spice up the show next year, we just forwarded this list to Jeffrey Pollack (WSOP Commissioner) and the big wigs at ESPN. We’re sitting by the phone right now, just waiting for the phone call from the network to tell us about our awesomeness.

3. (Only applies if Mike Matusow makes the final table) Upon arriving at the table and before play begins, each player has a line of blow on the rail. After snorting it, they have to do 25 jumping jacks and down a shot of hard liquor.

3. During breaks have Penn and Teller do magic tricks for the crowd. Making Norm Chad disappear would instantly boost the ratings, ask anyone.

1. Out of the blue, have Phil Hellmuth burst onto the set, jump onto the table, and take a piss on it while telling all of the players how fucking stupid they are. When he’s done, he can make them all clean up the piss while he berates them for only making the final table due to luck.

There’s more that could be added to the list but we’re too lazy to try and come up with more funny shit to say about how poorly the broadcast was. After trying to build up hype for over 100 days, ESPN failed miserably.

If you can think of anything better/more funny to say, feel free to send it us by commenting on this thread. If your shit is funnier than our shit, we’ll be happy to publish it and give you a shout out.

If you’re not the creative type and just think this post was a waste of time, then feel free to play some poker. And kiss our ass.

The Cliff Notes version of what lead to this thread:

1. Tiffany acts like a bitch calling the clock on a player when his TOURNAMENT LIFE and a shot at NINE MILLION DOLLARS (not pesos) was on the line.

2. She berates another player for taking too long to make ALL of his decisons.

3. She puts her greasy fingers all over the poker chips and acts like it’s not a big deal when the other mean men at the table call her out for it.

4. Acts generally clueless about how her behavior could possibly be seen as “bitchy”, “classless”, or otherwise “trailer park”.

In response to the Craig Marquis drama where she blasted him for being so slow:

Tiffany said:

First, the Craig things was terribly edited… I’m pretty sure he’ll even tell you that we were having a fun banter back and forth where I was picking on him (in good nature) about how long he took to make decisions every hand. He was laughing about it!

And I’m glad someone brought up the clock things. I’m shocked that none of you have EVER under ANY circumstance called the clock in the middle of a poker game…ever? Trust me, I don’t make a habit of calling the clock on people. I think in four years of playing tournaments that was probably the second or third time I’ve ever done that.

Obviously ESPN doesn’t show or tell you how long Paul Snead was taking to make a decision (it was a looooooooooonge time) and if it appeared that he was anywhere close to making a decision I would have stayed silent…. but you weren’t there, I was and he wasn’t anywhere close to a decision. I had been at the table with him for awhile and this was his typical process to make a bit of a fuss over his hands and his calls. He’d get up, pace around, talk to the audience and his friends on the rail. People forget that we’re all on camera, we’re at a featured table, player’s games change soooooooo much under those settings and it becomes more ‘acting’ and soaking up your five minutes of fame than actually playing a game of poker. I can guarantee you that if the TV cameras weren’t rolling it wouldn’t have taken him half as long to make a decision there. So yes, I chose to hold him accountable to the game of POKER even if it made me look less classy than humor another ‘Hollywood-er’.

Please don’t forget that the two of us were playing the same game for the same stakes. He was taking his time to decide and I was practicing my right (within the rules people) to ask for the clock since I was getting short stacked and the blinds were increasing… MY tournament life was at stake just as much as his.

And Craig Marquis said:

Yeah. This is all well and good after the fact, but you were extremely disrespectful and unbelievably rude while we were playing in just about every situation you could be. I feel like those 7 edited episodes accurately depicted your behavior during the tournament, and you can say it was “your table face” or whatever, but your calling the clock during the Paul Snead and Scott Montgomery hand in what is probably the most stressful situation the man has ever been just boggles my mind. Also this is coming from somebody who is judging you entirely on his personal experience with you, not from the any media-skewed perspective.

And with that, Tiffany proceeded to bow out and STFU. So far. In her parting shot she tried to make up to Craig with the following:

Wow, well that’s too bad. Sorry about that. It seemed to me that myself and the other players at the table were having a good laugh at it all but I guess under those circumstances people take everything too seriously.

Obviously my attempt to do clear some things up and do good didn’t matter… so I’ll peace outta this forum boys. Best of luck at the final table Craig, I’ve said nothing but good things about you in all my interviews and wish you well! xx

So the short version is – Tiffany acts like a bitch on the WSOP ME broadcast on ESPN. Tiffany starts a thread on 2P2 to say “OMG, I’m totally a girl and I’m so damn cute you should all love me, just the pokar chips do! They came to me all during the event except that last hand where I donked off my stack with a bad call holding AJ with two other callers! Buh Bye and Good Luck!”

Yeah, Tiffany. Class act. The whole thing making you look like a spoiled, self-centered BITCH is a fabrication by the mean editors at ESPN. Let’s not even get into the whole Ultimate Bet fiasco with Poker News and your poor judgement there. And by the way, give Andy Bloch his fkin hat back!