Now he has a Full Tilt Poker commercial that’s soon to air on live television. In it he’s looking into an old fashioned mirror and as he reminisces about his early playing attributes, he sees the images of other popular Full Tilt Poker Pros. At the end he decides that it’s best to play poker like… himself.

Go figure.

See the whole Durrrr Full Tilt Poker Commercial here

Gustav the Red Full Tilt Pro

Used to ship his chips in light,

And if you ever saw him,

You would say he makes Eli look tight.

All of the other players

Used to laugh and call him lame.

They never let poor Gustav

Play in any Full Tilt games.

Then Gus won three Double-You Pee Tees,

And Howard came to say:

“Gustav with your fame so bright,

Please be a red pro at my site!”

Now all the players love him,

And they chat him up with glee:

“Let us sit down at your table

And give you all of our monies.”

“We’ll give you all of our monies!”

Gus may play at Full Tilt but I wouldn’t be surprised to see an ace up his sleeve before too long…

Sign with Full Tilt Poker as a “Red Pro” of course. They’ve been on a tear lately, signing everyone from micro-limit grinders douches to this dude. So we figure that since Clonie is gone and Jennifer Harman is pretty much an absentee owner at this point, that Kimberly is the perfect choice for the next female Full Tilt Poker Red Pro. Since Daniel Negreanu is taken now (he’s the girl from PokerStars), this is the perfect opportunity to snatch up some real talent before her stock goes up.

The requirements to get this gig simply can’t be that hard.

Lets take a look:

Full Tilt Poker Red Pro Job Application

[X] Are you hot?

[X] Can you even remotely talk about and/or play poker?

[X] Do the fucktards on Two Plus Two make threads about you that blow up?

[X] Is (your name) available as a Full Tilt screen name?

[X[ Can we (FTP) make a silly ass cartoon avatar of you with big boobs?

You’re hired!